


Election for Head of HONK Approaching!

by hawkeyemorelikehawkaye



Series: Caralee's Clown Husbandry [10]
Category: Clown Husbandry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26273998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkeyemorelikehawkaye/pseuds/hawkeyemorelikehawkaye
Summary: Election for Head of HONK Approaching!By Inveniet Verum, September 3, 2020, Clown Entertainment, Research, and NewsOn August 29 2020, Abigail Mendax announced she would be stepping down from her position of the Head Chairwoman (Complete Level Overseer of Whatever Needed, AKA CLOWN) of HONK. Today, September 3 2020, Assistant to the Head Chairwoman, Charles Doanite, announced that the elections for Head Chair of HONK would be taking place in the following week.On request of Charles Doanite, CERN has compiled a list of all the current candidates, complete with information on their campaign ideals and main points. See the list below.
Series: Caralee's Clown Husbandry [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907380





	Election for Head of HONK Approaching!

Election for Head of HONK Approaching!

By Inveniet Verum, September 3, 2020, Clown Entertainment, Research, and News

On August 29 2020, Abigail Mendax announced she would be stepping down from her position of the Head Chairwoman (Complete Level Overseer of Whatever Needed, AKA CLOWN) of HONK. Today, September 3 2020, Assistant to the Head Chairwoman, Charles Doanite, announced that the elections for Head Chair of HONK would be taking place in the following week.

On request of Charles Doanite, CERN has compiled a list of all the current candidates, complete with information on their campaign ideals and main points. See the list below.

Wilma Irvine:

Wilma Irvine is the oldest of all the candidates at 81 years old. She is a former teacher of Understanding Clown Body Language at the University of Greater Clowning in Baysville, Ohio. She worked there for 60 years, joining at age 20 and retiring at age 80.

Irvine is a long-standing fighter for teaching greater interspecies communication between humans and clowns, with one of her key goals being teaching clowns how to understand English.

Irvine has written a book on the subject,  _ A Study On Possible Communication Between Clowns And Humans _ , and suggested during an interview with CERN that sign language may be a possible method of communication.

Cody Morison:

Cody Morison is the next candidate for CLOWN. At 40 years old, Morison’s main argument for the election is that “Clowns should be legally required to line their pockets with watermelon seeds.”

This has drawn doubt from many that his campaign is a serious one, but he remains on the ballot nonetheless. Morison emphasises that his campaign is a serious one, clarifying to CERN reporter Dicam Audite that “[He is] totally serious, to the point where [his] family is preparing a cake design in case [he] win[s].”

Etta Hopper:

Etta Hopper is one of four candidates that has attended the University of Greater Clowning in Baysville, Ohio. At 23 years old, the main ideal for her campaign is that there are “serious flaws in the way clown breeding is currently”, and that she aims to “put in stricter regulations to prevent inbreeding and clown abuse.”

Hopper grew up on a meat and dairy clown farm, and emphasises that “the majority of the problems within the system are with professional breeders, not the farmers.” She also emphasizes that she aims to “regulate the sales and nutritional requirements of [pellet clown feed], in order to prevent nutritional deficiencies in clowns.”

Odin Moore:

Odin Moore is a 34 year old, hailing from Birchville, Florida. His main emphasis for the campaign is the idea that “clown cars need stricter regulations so clowns have enough space in them.” 

Moore adds that he aims to implement a law maximizing the amount of clowns per car to 15 per 20 square feet.

“Clowns are good at squishing up,” He said in an interview with CERN, “But not that good.”

Gale Marley:

Gale Marley, 56 years old, is “clown rights enthusiast”, believing that “clowns should need licenses to get clown cars.” Many have critiqued his beliefs, as clown cars are a common enrichment form, but he holds firm in that he will be running.

Joanie Crawford:

Joanie Crawford is a 49 year old woman from Washington, DC. She claims that her main plan is to “introduce stricter regulations to parks, ensuring that clowns did not go to dog parks and vise versa.”

Crawford claims that this is based on her personal experience with dogs at clown parks, citing how “[she] and [her] mother were in the area when someone brought their dog to the clown park, causing the clown to take a bite out of it.”

“I felt so bad,” Crawford added, “It made state-wide news. The kreepus mix got put down. I refuse to allow something like this to happen again.”

Carol Bryson:

Hailing from California, Bryson is an anti-clown milk enthusiast. She believes that “clown milk is inhumane, due to the terrible conditions the clowns are often in. They are tied up with no food or water for days on end, and their chucklets are taken from them immediately at birth.”

Several clown farmers have pointed out the flaws in Bryson’s logic, citing the fact that clowns need to be healthy and content to produce the most milk, and that clowns do not start producing milk until they have been with the chucklet for about a day.

Marianne Rayner Denzil:

Denzil is a 20-year-old long-time politician in clown rights, having been active with several “clown rights enthusiast” groups long before deciding to run for CLOWN.

Denzil’s claim that “the dashcon ball pit was large enough for a clown,” have been disputed by many clown experts, most saying the dashcon ball pit would need to be “at  _ least _ 2.5 times its size” in order to be clown suitable. 

Gabriel Trent:

Gabriel Trent is a 51 year old. He claims that “clowns have a long history of murdering their owners unprovoked.” When questioned on the accuracy of his claims, he said that it “stems from the wild bards they’re descended from”, despite the fact that very few clowns are descended from bards, the closest being mimes with poet heritage. 

Trent has been involved in several past scandals, including the “clown theft” scandal of 2016, where 41 people claimed he had stolen their clowns from their porches or yards, 39 of the 51 clowns being put down before HONK could intervene.

Rusty Traves:

Traves is a long-time “Clown truther”, claiming that he was “so against clowns being domesticated” that he was “practically a clown”. Traves was associated with Trent in the “clown theft” scandal of 2014, but was not charged, as he was a minor at the time.

Traves claims that “clowns deserve the right to vote”, and that he would “make ‘owning’ a clown illegal”.

Alexander Dean:

Dean claims that his main goal in the election is to “prevent anyone from falling for [Traves’] [expletive].” During one interview with CERN, Dean said “clowns don’t need the right to vote, Jesus Christ. They don’t even have spatial awareness. When I go to work, my clown thinks I’ve left forever. Do you want them picking the president?”

Adrian Grant:

A. Grant associated with Bryson, claiming that clown milk was inhumane. “Humans have tried to breed the maternal instinct out of clowns,” he claimed in 2017, “But they haven’t completely succeeded, and so clowns cry out for their chucklets as they’re being removed.”

Clown expert Amelia Jonson points out that “clowns are incapable of crying, and anthropomorphizing them is dangerous. It can lead to watery eyes caused by disease being dismissed as emotion.”

Hannah Grant:

H. Grant associated with Bryson and A. Grant, claiming that “not only is [clown milk] inhumane, but [clowns] are naturally matriarchal, and would still be that if it weren’t for humans.”

Amelia Jonson critiques her, saying that “clowns aren’t matriarchal, because clowns aren’t in troupes in the wild when they’re fully grown.”

Elizabeth Stone:

Stone is a 31 year old graduate of the University of Greater Clowning. She was the apprentice to Wilma Irvine, and says “I’m one of four people on this ballot who went to school to learn about clowns.”

Stone claims that she has “big issues with a lot of things in the industry, but we don’t need to get rid of the industry as a whole, simply improve it.”

Ending Details:

The first election will be taking place from Thursday, September 3, 2020, to Friday, September 4, 2020. The top 5 candidates in it will move on to the middle election, taking place from Saturday, September 5, 2020, to Sunday, September 6, 2020. The top three will then be picked.

The final election will take place from Monday, September 7 2020, to Wednesday, September 9, 2020.

**Author's Note:**

> Link to the survey for the first round of elections: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSf50gBrGVhpbCfNCVrhJ4nu87aEJGw6nEczV1hpgD2HJfCOAQ/viewform?usp=sf_link


End file.
